our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
