i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
