you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
