I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
