I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
