I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize