you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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