Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
