Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
