Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
