dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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