I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
