how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
