i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize