Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
