She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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