Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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