Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
