so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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