my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
