He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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