if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
