just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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