Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize