dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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