shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
