is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
