dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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