this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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