its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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