puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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