Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we're so committed to being not committed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
