I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
