i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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