Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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