Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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