guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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