she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
