She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize