her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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