so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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