Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
