Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
