I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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