so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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