he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
