Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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