Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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