glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize