The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
