u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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