Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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