it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
