I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
