This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
