I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
