I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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