As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
