You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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