I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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