oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
