Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
