Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
