Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
