remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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