I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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