Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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