he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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