you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
